This was originally written 13 September 2010.
"What am I doing?"
I pause to ask myself this question
because I am sure
it wasn't the original intention
to waste my time and attention
on self-centered things.
I was put on this earth to be lit on fire,
burning the fuel of a holy oil
in a cleaned-out soul
finding out what it's like to be whole
and living it out,
living life to it's fullest
by seeking the face of the One
who knows the reality
of what's inside of me.
#
In that great big file cabinet in the sky
there's more than just a track record of things done wrong
but that list is marked null and why
should I ever deny
the work done for me by one heck of a guy
by always obsessing over my status and success?
He did the initial work
He bought me out of slavery to hopelessness, penance, and anxiety,
and He continues the work He started in me.
While I add insult to injury
when I take the weight of the world's problems on-
my shoulders
I don't have the strength to carry the weight of the world,
so why did I try
over and over
Telling the Lord, "I got this, move over"
when He already carried the load I'm carrying today
all the way up that hill called Calvary?
It's by His mercy I survived
But it's by His grace that I'm fully alive.
By His grace and nothing else
I am able to realize
there's truth that lies only in His eyes.
He's giving me rest.
He's giving me peace.
I'm hidden away
somewhere deep.
I'm burning
I'm breathing
I'm finally living
It's been awhile
but I'm back to alive.
Originally written sometime before 2010.
